Track 23: Allergy- versary

June 12th is the anniversary of the day we learned Eli’s full food allergy diagnosis. In a strange way, that wasn’t possible when I was young, Facebook actually reminds me of it every year. There are a lot of emotions for all of us around this anniversary, and I am sure it will be something both of my kids will have to work out in therapy someday. 11 years ago- it feels like an impossibly long amount of time (and yet has gone so quickly!). 

When Eli was six months old he spontaneously stopped nursing. He would cry and cry and just refuse. At the time, I ate literally every single one of his allergens and I think he may have just been done with feeling sick. Even as we switched to a hypo allergenic formula, there was still no diagnosis from his pediatrician. I both understand but at the same time feel grief over their reluctance to test him for allergies (early testing is very, very inaccurate, and can lead to unnecessary food restriction, which can actually increase a baby’s risk for food allergies). I do hope that someday there will be better and more accurate and even more humane ways to test for food allergies. When we began feeding him solids, he started having big reactions to food, although I didn’t make the connection right away. He often had full body rashes, he would regularly vomit up the entire contents of his dinner, etc. I now know those are symptoms of anaphylaxis, a potentially life threatening immune system reaction. I believe God was protecting him in those moments, and I am so grateful he lived, and that he is here with us. He is a wonderful kid. As a side note, there are many stories of children dying from food allergies, and I cannot pretend to comprehend or understand why Eli lived and they didn’t. My only response is to grieve with those families and hug Eli a little closer. 

Diagnosis took two different blood tests, skin prick tests, and an extensive health history questionnaire. We are lucky his allergists were on the modern edge of diagnosis at the time and didn’t have us cut out more foods than we needed to. In the allergist’s office, I remember them sitting down with us while Eli, the very content 1 year old, played with stickers, and told us he was allergic to milk, eggs, cashews, and pistachios. They gave us some papers, a website to go to for food allergy advice and management, and epi pens. 

I remember getting home and in a swell of emotion throwing away all of our pistachios and cashews and eggs. It is funny to say, but I especially remember feeling betrayed by the eggs, I can still picture the carton in my garbage can. I read extensively on the subject, from journal articles to foodallergy.org, etc. We emptied our house of not only the allergens, but of the foods that had cross contact. I cleaned and cleaned. We started bringing wet wipes with us everywhere, although we went out less. It flipped our lives upside down. 

It’s strange, we are used to all of the protocols and the restrictions now. We have learned that there is no food so good it is worth risking a life (and what a strange thing it is that we as people seem to struggle with that). I have learned the heartache of having a child who is at risk, the joy of being loved enough to have someone else choose to protect him. In the Bible, Christians are told to love sacrificially, that real love requires us to give things up and sacrifice. I don’t know that I understood this well, until I had Eli. 

On this allergy-versary, a poem:

I have loved 

The easy way

Never having to give something up

Not really

And I have loved

The hard way too.

What a privilege

To get to love someone

What is an egg?

Ice cream?

A nut?

When I get 

To kiss the little face

Hold his little hand 

Live a life with him in it

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”